Self-Compassion: What is it, and how do we do it?
Self-compassion can feel exhausting and, at times, trivial when we hear the term. Especially considering the nonstop responsibilities of work, family, friends, bills and chores that take up our time. This challenge becomes even more pronounced when navigating one’s own mental health, making it crucial to treat ourselves with kindness amidst the chaos and turmoil. So, what exactly is self-compassion? How do we do it?
Terms like “self-compassion” and “self-care” have become buzz words throughout media and product marketing. Articles titled, “100 Ways to Show Self-Care!” and products such as lavender infused salt lamps promise that if you utilize them, all your stressors will disappear. While a soft glowing lamp may calm you down, the truth is showing self-compassion does not need to break the bank. Nor does it need to be a complicated regime of daily routines and additional activities.
Envision a baby or a young child whose primary needs are sleep, nourishment, physical touch and shelter. Self-compassion is rooted in these fundamental necessities for well-being and survival. It’s often easier for us to recognize and address the needs of others, such as reminding a grieving friend to stay hydrated or ensuring a child gets breakfast before leaving the house. But what of our own needs? How often do we neglect ourselves in the same way we so naturally can seem to care for others. Despite our best efforts, we often fail to extend the same generosity to ourselves that we offer others. Instead, we might skip a meal, ignore bedtime, and overschedule ourselves to the point of burnout and exhaustion. The caring voice within us goes silent as we bypass the basic needs we would so readily highlight to a friend or family member.
Through this lens, self-compassion is simpler. Picture your situation as if it were a friend’s or imagine that young child within you that may need a nap or a lunch break. Would you let them leave home without a coat, or tell them they need to do better on an empty stomach? If you would not allow a friend or family member to endure such conditions, why should you?
Self-compassion is nurturing yourself, allowing that caring voice to turn inwards and reflect on how you’re treating yourself. Self-compassion also requires a measure of grace and self-forgiveness. Life is relentless, and there will be times when we face situations outside of our control. There is no mandated script or secret code to self-compassion, in fact, it can vary greatly from day to day. It might mean taking five minutes alone in your car before entering the house or acknowledging that, while you missed breakfast, you make time for a nourishing lunch. Self-compassion is about adapting to your needs in the moment and being kind to yourself despite the barriers.
Next time think: Would I treat my friend that way?
Mutterings of a Therapist, Natalie Varela
